The sun of this episode rises when I start to explore the course list under Erasmus Mundus with nothing particular in my head. With my current predicament regarding career options, I find this course of documentary direction listed in the newly offered programs …and my eyes glittered. I explore the course website and it happens to be the exact opportunity that I’ve been dreaming of. I familiarize myself with the prerequisites of the application, and although I lack a few …I think I might have a chance. So I start to work on it, and the series of hindrances occurs somewhat in the following fashion:

The Video Camera: One of the requirements of the application is to make a video featuring the applicant him/herself for at least one minute, and the video has to be on somewhat applicant’s philosophy of life. However, I do not own a video camera, neither am I in a position to buy one so I borrow money from my friend Sabyasaachi who is kind enough to do the favor. And thus I bought my first video camera; Sony CX 160. Sabya works in the USA and plans to visit India in the late November, and that’s when I get my hands on my video camera. The deadline of the submission is Jan 15, 2012 so I am not in haste either.

The Script: The topic of the video is given as “my vision about my internal-external world”, so I prepare a script relevant to the theme. I try several shots with my new camera and add them up together to make the video. I plan to put in very light music tunes which I can produce with my guitar myself, or at least that’s what I thought I could do when I’d read about the condition of “use only original sounds” in the video making guidelines of the application, later I concluded that “use only original sounds” suggested that there should be no playback. Hence I changed the entire idea of the video and prepared a new script. Now I plan to make a video with myself appearing on the screen for the full length which would automatically satisfy the condition of “applicant should appear in the video for at least one minute”. So I write down everything in my diary and select locations.

The Assistance: The condition “appearing in the video for at least one minute” leaves me with a huge troublesome need of assistance with the camera. In this particular span of time, I have absolutely no one to help me out with such an activity. So I search for a person who can do the favor for me. I called my friend Anuj who lives 10 kms away from my house and currently is working in Noida which is 200 kms from our hometown. He manages a leave and agrees to help for an entire day. I eagerly wait for Anuj and feel relaxed in my heart that the video should finally be done today.

The dawn of the scheduled day breaks and I see nothing but fog everywhere. I call Anuj to know his whereabouts, only to find that every mode of transportation is suffering due to the heavy fog in north India. I wait for him the entire day and call him every minute. While I am waiting and cursing the weather, Anuj arrives at 5 pm. We still discuss the idea and I tell him how he can be of help, and we leave to shoot the first scene of the video which includes the Taj Mahal. We reach the location and find out that the Taj cannot be seen due to the fog, and thus the whole plan goes in vain.

Now I have no clue as to how I am going to complete this video without any help, for Anuj has left for his office. The days are vanishing in the air and I have done absolutely nothing for the application, and this feeling is killing me. My mother suggests me to give it up already for I am finding no help and the deadline is getting closer. I tell her that no matter what, I am going to submit this application, otherwise I’d surely regret this my whole life.

Then on one usual foggy day, my other school friend Naveen, who is an engineer and nowadays working in a dam real far away calls me and tells me that he’s going to visit soon. He informs me about his extended trip, and I once again feel energy in my veins.

Naveen arrives and it’s already January. I discuss my problem with him and he happily agrees to help, and once again we go out to shoot, even though he has no idea whatsoever about handling a video camera. So for every scene, I shoot it first and illustrate it to Naveen, tell him as to what needs to be done and how it should be done. He’s a sharp guy though he gets bored easily, so I do not get choosy with the camera work. I need this to be done and I wouldn’t mind the quality as I know that without his help, there’d be no quality, no video.

So after a lot of fog, inhibition, prohibition, disputes and several other constraints and a few days, we finish our shoot. I am not satisfied with the quality of the video but I am still glad that I at least have got something to put in to the application.

Editing: I connect my camera to my computer to transfer the video files and I find out that the video camera is not compatible with windows xp service pack 2, I need at least service pack 3. I search the entire market for the cd to install sp3 but I cannot find one. I then called my friend Hemant and he tells me that he can arrange the cd for me. So I take an ordinary bus and travel 50 kms in the freezing cold to Hemant’s house, and just so you know, an ordinary bus in my land is a bus with doors & windows almost broken and they happily welcome everything that’s in the air. Anyways, I reached his room and grabbed the cd, stayed for the night and returned to my home the very next day.

I install sp3 on my computer and transfer the videos and it’s done, Great!!! I feel so good …only for a couple of minutes. It appears that the quality of the output of the camera is too high to be edited on my computer. The system just breaks down every time I try to open the videos in the editor. And then begins the seemingly endless search on “how to edit .MTS video format” and it seems that this problem has no solution, days passed by.

I had a small clip which I experimentally tried to upload on YouTube, even though I had read that the .MTS format is not in the “YouTube support formats’ list”, but somehow YouTube accepts my video almost miraculously. It’s a sudden turn of events and now I know that I just have to download the .MP4 version of the video from YouTube which should be compatible with the editing software.

I upload and download all the video clip, and my obsolete system still crashes due to the high quality of the video. However I know the solution this time; I need to edit the video on a better processor and I think of my friend Akash who lives about 250 kms from my place and owns an Alienware which should be perfect …so I once again leave in a chilled atmosphere.

Once again after fighting the freezing temperature in an ordinary bus, I reach Akash’s place and stay there for a couple of days. The weather is literally freezing and Akash do not have enough bedding for two as he lives all by himself. I inevitably catch cold and get sick, yet I do not give up on the editing. Editing the new video, re-editing the previous documentary, writing subtitles and matching them up with the videos, learning intricacies of the editing software; all is being done at Akash’s place. I had no idea what was coming up next.

The Appostile Seal: As it says in the application procedure, the previous degrees should have an appostile seal on every copy, and then only it could be uploaded in the online application form. I explore about appostile seal and come to know that in our country, there are two steps in the appostile seal process; First it has to be attested from the regional office of the concerned state and then it’s to be attested from the ministry of external affairs, New Delhi.  

When I’d left for Akash’s, I had become pretty sure in my heart that I would complete the application in time and then I’d asked my father that he should carry my documents to the concerned offices and get the appostile seal done. It seemed like a straight forward procedure so I didn’t bother much. It was the last week before the deadline and my papa could not go on Monday due to the low temperature. So he leaves on Tuesday and makes a stop on the way, and then go to the regional office on Wednesday (Jan 11, 2012). The dealing officer in the regional office asks for a proof or some kind of a call letter before he approves the documents and since there is no call letter from the respective Universities, he rejects to attest my documents. My father calls me and tells me about the situation. I realize that if I could explain the whole thing to the officer myself and present him the copies of the application form from internet, he might attest my documents. Since my father cannot operate a computer well, I am to do it myself. Government offices are closed on weekends so I immediately leave Akash’s place and catch the first bus to reach home by the night. I plan to collect my documents from my home and then leave for the regional office the next day and get the rest of it done in New Delhi the day after. I take a random bus and board it to save the time. I change three buses to reach Agra and I am home by the night, sick and cold. My mother asks me what I am going to do, papa also wonders how I am going to make it; travelling to regional office 400 kms then back to New Delhi 900 kms with only two days in my hand, that too in a freezing temperature without any proper and on schedule transportation. I tell my mom that I am going to travel in a bus the whole night and I’ll decide the rest later. My father asks to come along and I declined him as it’s freezing outside, but he says, “Either I am coming with you or you’re not going at all”. I put my hands on my forehead and sit down, I know it’s not wise to let papa travel in this freezing cold for anything in the world, and I decide not to go. My mother funnily tells the next day that she has not seen me this tensed through my life, and we laugh out loud.

I write a mail to the coordinator of the DOC NOMADS program and tell her about the situation. While I wait for the reply, I start to write the motivational letter, and then I find out that the deadlines of the submission have been extended!!!

Computer Breaks Down: I woke up the next morning, much relaxed and at peace since the deadline has been pushed ahead by 16 days. Now I can re-edit the video which I had done in haste previously and I can also attempt to get the appostile seal. I brush my teeth and turn on my computer, and the computer does not start. I know I have time, but not much. Re-editing the videos, letters writing, photographs’ gallery; all needs to be taken care of. I then call my friend and batch mate Ashish who has a spare laptop and is doing his PhD in IIT Kanpur which lies on my way to the regional office. So once again I leave for IIT Kanpur to fetch the laptop and get the appostile seal. However when I alight in Kanpur, I check my inbox and find that the response to my mail to DOC NOMADS has arrived.  The reply says that I can get the appsotile seal done later at the time of admission(if I get admitted that is), and now I need not go any further to get the seal. So I stay at Ashish’s room and check his laptop which has Linux installed on it. I try to install windows but the cd driver is broken. I plan to return home the next day while Ashish tries to fix the laptop. We spend the entire night trying to fix the laptop but it doesn’t help. The clock shows 5:30 am and I have to catch a bus after 5 hours so I go to sleep, though I once again have caught cold after the freezing night out.

I wake up at 9 in the morning and pack my stuff, then leave for the bus station. I take a pill for the bad cold I am suffering from and I sleep throughout the journey. I arrive home, rest a little and get back on it as soon as I can. I start writing all the letters and editing them according to the online application format. I have installed a virtual machine that runs windows on linux, though it is not sufficient to run any editing software. I know I still need to do a little bit of editing in the video which certainly can not be done on this laptop.

The Final Push: I once again go to Hemant’s for he’s got a good system to work on. I do the required editing and upload the video on YouTube and upload the subtitles as well. I come back home, finish the letters and get second opinion on them. I plan to submit the online application on Sunday, Jan 30.

I am still on it…

(Jan 29, 2012)

बोली, मैं बँधी घड़ी के काँटों से,
समय से मेरी प्रीत है,
मैं नहीं रुक सकती पल को भी,
चलना, बस चलना मेरी रीत है,

फिर पूछा, कहाँ थीं तुम,
क्यूँ छुप गयी थीं, जाकर दूर कहीं,
मैं ढूँढता रहा तुमको अपलक,
फिर थक कर बैठ गया, तुम थीं नहीं,

मैं अक्सर सोचता, तुम कहाँ रहती हो,
किस नगर, किस गली मिलती हो,
जो कभी याद उठ आये अगर,
किस डगर, किस दर कली सी खिलती हो,

और जो चलती ही जाती हो,
तो क्यूँ नहीं मिलती कभी,
आते जाते किसी भूले गीत सी,
यादों के बिसरे संगीत सी,

बस …ये एकाकी सोच ही थी, तुम न थीं,
ढूँढा हर जगह, पर न थीं,
कूँचे गलियारों में, ऊँचे चौबारों में न थीं,
तुम मरू की नदिया सी, कहीं न थी |

——————–

(ज़िन्दगी)

क्या तुमने ढूँढा था मुझको, हँसते बचपन में?
कोयल की कू में, भँवरों की गुँजन में,
नदिया की कल कल में,
चुप में, कभी हलचल में,

क्या ढूँढा था बादल की छाया में,
रुपहले शिखरों, जग मग तारों की माया में,
तट के वीरानों में, लहरों के स्पन्दन में,
क्या तुमने ढूँढा था, मुझको अपने मन में?

मैं थी वहीं, तुमको तकती, सँवरती,
बारिश की बूँदों से तुमको भिगोती,
कभी झोकों से बालों को सहलाती,
कभी कँपते मौसम में लपटों सी जलती, तुमको गरमाती,

मैं थी माँ की लोरी में,
उन कहानियों की बोरी में,
गुस्से में छलके प्यार में,
झूठी तकरार में, मैं थी वहीं,

कभी मुस्काती आँखों के पानी में,
कभी ज़िद में, मनमानी में,
कभी पूरे में, कभी हिस्सों में,
कभी अरमानों के किस्सों में,

मैं थी, उस नन्हीं धड़कन में,
जो गोद में सिकुड़कर सोया था,
मैं थी उस यौवन में,
जिसे पाने को दिल रोया था,

मैं थी प्रीतम में,
प्रीतम की प्रीत में भी,
साँसों की गरमाहट में,
होंठों की नरमाहट में भी, मैं थी,

मैं थी यारों की बातों में,
खुशियों की बारातों में,
जब नाचे थे सब ढीठ बावरे,
मैं ही थी, तुझ संग साँवरे |

——————

ह्म्म, तो तुम ही थीं उस मस्ती में,
रौनक से सजती बस्ती में,
तुम थीं बहकी अंगड़ाई में,
तुम ही महकी पुरवायी में,

तुम थीं जब पाया सपना था,
मिला जो कोई अपना था,
तुम ही जब मोती बिखरे थे,
तुम थीं जब अरमाँ निखरे थे,

तो तुम थीं मेरे हर सुख में,
हर सुख की परछायी में,
हर लम्हे, मीठे पलछिन में,
तुम ही सोती रातों, जगते दिन में |

——————–

हाँ, मैं थी ‘उन सब’ में,
और मैं ही हूँ सब में,
किसी एक में न रम कर,
मैं हूँ हर ढंग में, हर रंग में,

मैं जगती भोर में हूँ,
बुझती रातों में भी,
उठती लहरों में मैं हूँ,
मैं डूबी नावों में भी,

मैं रोशन महफ़िल में हूँ,
जलते दीपक में भी,
मैं चलते क़दमों में हूँ तो,
कुचले जीवन में भी,

नयी धड़कन में मैं,
मैं हूँ प्रसव में भी,
हार के शोक में मैं,
हूँ जीत के उत्सव में भी,

मैं फूल की खुशबू में,
चुभते काँटों में भी मैं हूँ,
मैं ख़ास में, हर आम में,
मैं शहद में, कड़वे जाम में भी मैं हूँ,

मैं हर रस में,
नीरस में मैं हूँ,
हर रंग में हूँ मैं,
बेरंग में भी मैं हूँ,

मैं न किसी दर, डगर,
तुम्हारे पास में मैं हूँ,
तुम पाओ, खो दो, हँस दो, रो दो,
हर अहसास में मैं हूँ,

मैं नहीं गुज़रे कल में,
न आगे मुस्तक़बिल में,
मैं आज की खुशबू में,
हर बहते पल में हूँ,

तुम्हारे साथ में मैं,
तुम से दूर भी मैं हूँ,
मैं तुमसे पहले भी थी,
तुम्हारे बाद भी मैं हूँ,

मुझको जी लो जी भर,
चढ़ने, ढलने से परे,
जगने सोने से परे,
जी लो ‘कवि’, उठने गिरने से परे |

——————–

मैं समझा कुछ कुछ,
तेरे चंचल जज़्बातों को,
कुछ नासमझा सा समझा नासमझी में,
समझा तू हर हर में, समझा कुछ तेरी बातों को |

With this, I pay my sincere tribute to Dev Saahab …the man who go beyond words

“

(knock knock knock)

रोज़ी: एक मिनट राजू |

राजू: इस शहर के जवान दिल को जिसकी पायल की शोख़ झन्कार ने गुदगुदा दिया है, कोई बता सकता है  कला की वो मशहूर पुजारिन मिस नलिनी कहाँ रहती हैं?

रोज़ी: और, मैं पूछ सकती हूँ ये कौन जानना चाहता है?

राजू: जी बन्दा मामूली सा गाइड है, नाम राजू काम जनता की सेवा …जनता भी वो जो सैर सपाटे के साथ साथ अपना ज्ञान बढाने का शौक़ रखती हो …हे हे हे, सेवा क्या जी कि मैं उनकी आँख बन जाता हूँ और अपने दिल से नज़ारों को रंगीन बना बना कर उनके सामने हाज़िर करता रहता हूँ, हो सकता है इससे सच में झूठ और झूठ में सच की मिलावट हो जाती हो, लेकिन क्या कीजियेगा ज़माना ही मिलावट का है, बिना मिलावट के तो आजकल घी भी खुशबू नहीं छोड़ता है और आदमी का तो कहना ही क्या, जितनी मिलावट होगी उतना ही खरा समझा जाता है, हे हे हे. ख़ैर मैं भी क्या किस्सा ले बैठा, खुलासा ये कि मैं अपना फ़न मिस नलिनी की ख़िदमत में ख़र्च करना चाहता हूँ, अगर वो मौजूद हों और इनायत फरमायें तो |

रोज़ी: मुझे अफ़सोस है मिस नलिनी इस वक़्त थकी हैं, आराम फरमा रही हैं | आप फिर किसी दिन तशरीफ़ लाइये |

राजू: हे हे, आपकी तारीफ़ ? आपकी तारीफ़ ?

रोज़ी: नाम रोज़ी, काम नलिनी जी की सेवा | मगर …आपको तो उन्हीं से काम था ना ?

राजू: कहा ना आपसे, ज़माना मिलावट का है, मुझे नलिनी में रोज़ी की और रोज़ी में नलिनी की मिलावट नज़र आती है, नलिनी नहीं तो रोज़ी ही सही, मेरा काम चल जायेगा |

रोज़ी: काम ?!!

राजू: जैसा मैंने आपसे कहा मेरा काम है अपनी आँखों से दूसरों को दिखाना, टूटे हुये खण्डहराहत में इतिहास दिखा देना | जी मैं ज़ुबान से लफ़्ज़ों की तस्वीर खींचता हूँ | अतीत तो सब दिखाते हैं !! …मैं कभी कभी भविष्य भी दीखता हूँ, हा हा हा |

(Followed by him awesomely rolling a cane in his fingers)  ”